November 2013

"Perkele, Raven, don't cry in the closet and go to school!"

11. november 2013 at 23:24
Whenever she say "Raven" with that voice, I know fun has just begun.

Do you know what is the best medicine for depression // anxiety // anger // whatever?
There is easy and every-fucking-time-working instruction in three steps, according to Raven:
n1.: let it surround you. You can't fight it, and it's gonna get you sooner or later, so just let it take over you. If you do, it will go away faster.
n.2.: hide in your closet // in bed // under table... and cry it out. You cannot keep it in forever.
n3.: get your ass out of the closet // bed // floor and go to the kitchen. Take a jar of Nutella. This ultimate gun can solve any problem on your way back to reality. Yummy. (and now go to school)

I have to say it's getting better. And it seems I owe it all to jar of blueberry jam, jar of nutella and tons of cocoa. Ok, that's a lie (well, not really, but...yeah).
I owe it to min kjaere.

I'm trying to be, to be happy, just like she said. I realized there is no reason to be sad. I looked around and there is just no reason to be unhappy - I have everything I could ever dream about. And what is most important, I have you - I have you right here within me, so it doesn't matter how far away you are. Beside, you'll be on your way to me soon...

med kjærlighet, kanel Raven

Så fortell meg hva skal jeg gjøre?

8. november 2013 at 1:13
I really hate the situation I'm in right now.
I just have this feeling like I'm losing myself and I can't do anything about it. So I'm just lying under a duvet in my bed, curled up with cold and unpleasant feeling of loneliness, with her shirt in my arms. Crying in the closet.
I wander around the empty flat without clothes, with turn-off lights and I'm trying to grab the doorknobs which are missing. Try to open the door with scissors - it's harder than it looks.

My pills don't seem to help me, and I'm not surprised, because the only person I can relax with is miles and miles away from me. My anxiety is back and therefore I didn't leave my place for few days (except nights with M. or something, but still I'm running back home as soon as I feel uncomfortable in human society). I haven't been in school for two weeks now.
Can you tell me what should I do right now?

I'm lost somewhere and I need to do few things.
First one is to find myself and so NOT going crazy.
Second one is to get my ass back to school (!!) - I don't want to be expelled.
Third one is put myself together and get out of the closet - not only literally...

med kjærlighet, kanel Raven